Things we Say & Do now

Things we Say & Do now

A few months back, Nitin and I were just watching television (I mean Netflix, because that’s what the kids are calling it these days) and eating our weight in popcorn, you know the usual, when I casually asked Nitin “I have gained weight in the last couple of months, haven’t I?” to which he bluntly without thinking much replied “Yeah, you have”. And no, I am not one of those people who take offence when someone says something like this. The whole point of asking Nitin was that I knew I had gained weight and I wanted him to confirm that. Now one could say that we don’t live in a world where weighing machines don’t exist, and they are right, we own one. But then why did I ask Nitin and not weighed myself? You see, I wanted him to confirm that I have gained weight but I wasn’t quite ready to see how much I have gained. And yes, so he bluntly replied yes. I already knew what his response was going to be, because Nitin is not one of those people who lie to their wives to not hurt their feelings. But I expected him to be “not that blunt” and answer by giving it a thought, which he didn’t.

No, he is not sleeping on the couch, nor did we have a big fight, nothing crazy, we just both started laughing about how blunt he was. And I said something like “Wow! We have unlocked another level in our marriage and these are the THINGS WE SAY NOW.” Now obviously the phrase was catchy and over the last couple of months we have been using it here n there and I am hereby presenting the “things we say now” and how our relationship has changed in the last 5 years:

  • About 2 weeks back, we had gone for a weekend getaway and while coming back Nitin was driving and a two-wheeler whizzed past our car from the wrong side (don’t get me started on how bad Pune traffic is, people, come at you from every possible direction and then some. I don’t drive as often as I used to in Delhi, mainly because I am short-tempered and every 10-minute drive is like burning a litre of my blood. So yeah, not talking about the traffic situation here!) and came in front of our car and then applied brakes, probably because he spotted a mango vendor on the roadside, and I immediately went “Nitin, careful!” Nothing happened, all thanks to me (or so I thought) and Nitin’s quick reflexes. we reached home, changed and the next thing I know Nitin is telling me how I have started commenting while he drives, something that I never used to do and asked me what’s the need? Don’t I feel safe while he is driving? To which I replied “I have never had to comment before because we have never driven this much in Pune before and the traffic is crazy”. and he said “But my eyes are in every direction. I drive quite safe” And because I knew that I wouldn’t be able to counter that (or maybe I didn’t have the energy) and I also knew that I am not about to stop doing this anytime soon (Pune traffic won’t let me), I said “Well yeah! these are the things we say now”.
  • Almost every night we snuggle before bed (the usual, kids!), the key word here being “Almost”. Some days I doze off watching netflix and Nitin sleeps a little late. And it has always been like this. But then we changed this routine because we wanted to do that for the longest time. Now, we often snuggle and talk before go to sleep. And it’s the best thing, but that’s not the point. Last night we switched off the TV, came back to our bed(Yes, we don’t have TV in our room, Best decision EVER!), and snuggled like the usual but the minute I lay down my head in Nitin’s arms I said “You are stinking, is it you or this t-shirt?” And he shamelessly goes “Yeah it’s the t-shirt and also me probably, the weather is quite humid these days” and then pulls me back into his arms. And I kept telling him that this way I won’t go to sleep, I will be unconscious, and he kept pulling me. At this point, we are having full-fledged conversation on the weather, how profusely he is sweating these days and what can be done to avoid that, and Nitin was really sleepy and he said “Come sleep, zone out the smell and think of it as a masculine scent, because these are the things we do now.” And I thought to myself “Woaa! well played! he knocked it out of the park.” and went off to sleep.
  • We had made plans to have breakfast with two of our friends, last Sunday. So we all met at the Irani Cafe, had a filling brunch over good conversations and while coming back home, Nitin spotted some grey clouds in the sky and his face instantly lit up. He loves the monsoons and every time he sees a grey cloud he becomes as happy as a kid at Disney World. And he said, “let’s go somewhere!” And I being equally enthusiastic about the rains, replied: “where?” And in the next 1 minute, we had decided that we will go to Lavassa. The plan was to come home, take a couple of things and our dog and then head to Lavassa. So we came home, started getting ready to go, but it was one of those days when your entire house is a mess, the laundry basket is overflowing and there is just too much house-admin stuff to do. We looked at each other and said “let’s take care of all this mess, we will go to Lavassa next weekend! We couldn’t believe the words that came out of our mouths, But I guess these are the THINGS WE SAY NOW and we stayed home, cleaned the entire house, gave Jojo a bath as well, and when we finally lay in bed, thinking about what a day it was, we laughed because we realised that we have changed so much.

The more we used this phrase in the last couple of weeks, the more we realised how our relationship has changed a lot over the years and just a few days back, we were talking about how relationships change with time and how people are often so caught up on how their relationship used to be when they were dating and how they are constantly comparing their current relationship with all the good things about their relationship a few years back and more often than not, have complaints about how everything as changed. Maybe you used to go on more dates and you don’t do that as often as you used to, maybe you both used to dress up to go meet each other and you don’t do that anymore, not that much anyway. And most of the times people get really sad about how things are changing, but we talked about how inevitable it is. People change with time and so do relationships and it will be very stupid to want everything to remain how it used to be when you just started dating. Instead, enjoy every phase while you are living it.

See you next time! Till then, be present whereever you are!




  1. July 23, 2019 / 3:18 pm

    Very well said, enjoy every phase of relationship, expecting everything to remain same is stupidity, after all change is the only constant 🙂
    I enjoy reading your posts, thanks for them all.

    • tonkingaround
      March 26, 2020 / 11:31 am

      Thanks so much 🙂

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