Are you really married if you don’t do these?

Are you really married if you don’t do these?

Recently, a very good friend of mine asked me how married life is treating me and usually I feel pretty happy when I think about my married life, but these people are looking for some other weird details from my married life. So, I was forced to think exactly what people are looking for when they ask these questions. And I thought I’d think about the weirdest things that almost all married couples do and as I was listing them down I was thinking how normal these things seem to the both of us and all you “married” people who are not doing these, I wanna ask you “Are you really married?”

To start off, let me tell you how a typical morning on a weekend(when I am not in a hurry to roll out of bed and get to office) looks like for us. We usually sleep in and it is usually I, who wakes Nitin up except for some days, when I am almost passed out(even in the morning) and Nitin wakes me up by licking my face and pretending to be my puppy. Shut up, It is not weird at all!  I, on the other hand, wake him up with little soft kisses and he takes a long time to actually wake up, mostly because I do it so gently and lovingly and not by licking his face like his pet. Some one has to be the “loving” kind!

After waking up, we cuddle, talk for a few hours which is followed by what I like to call “weekly beauty treatment”. This is Nitin’s second beauty secret. First was this! Before you get any Ideas, let me give some details. In this “weekly beauty treatment” I scan Nitin’s face for any white heads/black heads and usually remove them, which gives him the smooth shiny perfect nose that he has. Oh also, this thing that started out with only white heads and blackheads and then included pimples, moles and what not. And before we knew, I was checking Nitin’s back for any weird hair growth and on some days I felt like a doctor when I pulled out one or two of these hair. Well! before you people start feeling grossed out (maybe you already are), let me try ans explain why I am telling you this. So as weird as it might seem, this is pretty normal for the two of us and for a lot of other couples and there are some days when popping that one zit or pulling that ingrown hair with tweezers is the highlight of my day ( And my life is not boring by any means).

You might be thinking that we are weird people and now that you are already thinking that, I’d like to use this opportunity to tell all more “What is married life like” stories.

One morning, we were getting ready to go for a run and I took out my leggings from the wardrobe and went to the washroom to freshen up. I was gonna come back and change into those clothes but when I came back, guess what Nitin said?

“These leggings are really soft on the inside because of this fleece thing!”

*There he was! This 6’1″ tall guy in a short girl leggings(which didn’t even cover half his calves), smiling ear to ear and refusing to take them off* It is not just him who steals other’s clothes. I often steal his favorite t-shirts and sweat shirts. Sad thing that I can’t fit into the fuzzy Pajamas that we got him from H&M because my ass is too big for that! . 🙁

Another thing that isn’t weird at all, like most of this post is talking about poop, anytime , anywhere and having code words and your own language to talk about poop in public. We can talk about poop and can even make games around it where one person sends the other one a selfie while pooping and making crazy expressions and the other one has to respond with a selfie while pooping! And this isn’t even our best game staged around pooping!

Most couples have no problem in using the washroom at the same time (a number of combinations possible here). However, I do have a very strict rule about one person pooping while the other is say brushing their teeth. I made this rule mainly because I have a very strong sense of smell and even if you are madly in love with each other poop and farts don’t start smelling like rainbows! Yeah I just went there! (Mom? Dad? Are you still reading this?)

But it is not all disgusting (for some people) stuff. It is some other cute and weird things as well like when we cancelled all the plans to go out on a weekend and spent the entire weekend just sleeping, watching Netflix, binge eating and not taking showers at all! Okay maybe this was also disgusting for you! We are disgusting people and you know it doesn’t even matter because we have never been more in love with each other! That’s married life y’all!

*Mic Drop*

P.S: While writing this post, I actually texted Nitin, who is sitting right next to me,  to get me that takeaway Vada pav, which is sitting across the table from me.


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